Wednesday, 12 September 2012

TWO MONTHS

TWO MONTHS

 And as the Spring sun rose from the mountains, as did the procrastinating blogger from his bed, after having abandoned his massive readership for the past two months.

TWO MONTHS. Two. Ni. Duo. II. It's a long time to procrastinate. It wasn't even on purpose, either. So don't be offended for the two months of neglect, I really didn't mean it. Lol that's just like the time my mum left me in the car whilst she went grocery shopping and by the time she returned I was a welted slug n she just said "sry" and I said "*slug noises*" and then she made me promise not to tell child servic-- OH GOD this fictional story is turning so morbid #DidITurnEmoInTheLast2Months :S
Me as a slug sitting down

I think this calls for a catchup. What has been happening in my exciting life recently? (Spoilers: NOT MUCH)

1. I GOT AN INTERNSHIP
All year I've been sending awkwardly-worded-with-too-many-puns-lol-just-like-this-blog-yolo emails to various websites, magazines, companies, supermarkets – YOU NAME IT –  gushing to them about how I'm an eager first year student and how good I am at stapling bits of paper together (unless the document is more than 6 pages thick because that's kind of hard when your biceps are made of sponge) and how I can vacuum storage cupboards to a pretty high standard AKA pls let me intern for you.
I was really desperate to get a taste of the industry I'm studying about, and even though I knew I chose the right course, I wanted a direct confirmation that I was heading in the right one direction. My search was futile for six months. "No Dylan," they said. "We have tiled flooring so your slightly-better-than-average vacuuming skills aren't needed here."

Me vacuuming and singing Casey Chambers :((

When it seemed like there was no place in the world for a small town kid who just wanted to vacuum, my prayers were answered after I sent yet another awkwardly worded email to Beat Magazine. They arranged an interview for the following day where I had to write a few pieces of copy for them and the next week they told me the good news. All joking aside this was a #rlybigdeal and I think I fainted for three days when they sent me an email that didn't start with "unfortunately," or "fuckoffDylan". I was getting pretty sick of having an inbox filled with hundred of emails like this:

What does high calibre mean? Leave your answers in the comments below!!

But yes, interning at Beat has been amazing. I've been there for about six weeks now, mainly writing copy for the music news and "hot talk" sections. They haven't even sent me on a coffee run yet – I'm actually doing real work. I should probably be pleased but at the same time it's in my intern blood to want to run up and down a busy Melbourne road carrying four trays of coffees whilst getting splashed with puddle water by ongoing cars. It's been great to see how a magazine operates behind-the-scenes and contributing even the tiniest of roles in the whole process has been so exciting and I can totally see myself doing something like this as a career. It also helps that everyone in the office is obsessed with YOLO (they even snuck it onto one of the covers) and they pay me in beer.

Simpsons jokes will get me a bigger audience =]

I can hear the chants of "WHO CARES" from outside my window and you're right: positive news is boring. I know that my #ThousandsOfReaders are here to see me fail and it's weird to see me moving in a positive direction. Especially when I spend most of my time tweeting about leaf blowers or soiling my pants with boiling weetbix. Don't worry I'll make another blogpost when I get fired – if you're lucky I'll just make a two minute video of myself crying with Bleeding Love playing in the background.

2. I LOST MY WALLET ON A BOAT
YOLO.

 3. I LOST MY PASSPORT
I hope that someone at least makes a good fake ID out of it. Also YOLO.

4. I LOST A BIT OF MY FRONT TOOTH
I chipped my tooth but I got it fixed so dw.

 5. I GOT A PART-TIME JOB
Not quite as exciting as an internship at Beat, but I got a job at Coles. It's really fun to walk between aisles for four hours when you're hungover especially when someone asks you where the MAYONNAISE is and you have to scour through tubs and tubs of mayonnaise for the exact brand they want :) Hey, at least it pays the bills.
"Wait how are we communicating they're not speech bubbles they're thinking bubbles"
"Oh my god Pepito we are mind readers"

MUSIC
And to finish our two month reunion, here are some of my favourite tracks of recent times. I'll make a proper playlist next time!

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