WINTER SURVIVAL GUIDE

Winter is right around the corner. That means it's almost that time of year when our beds become our best friends again, more so than ever. Our lives are reduced to a cheesy Hilary Duff video clip as we dramatically gaze out at the rainy landscape around us, wondering if it's all some kind of larger metaphor for life. Is that just me? Probably.

"I'm just a bird that's already flown away" - Hilary, fishing for metaphors.

But you know what? I love winter. I love not moving from my bed and I love pretending that I'm Hilary Duff. It's time to embrace your impending hibernation, because let's face it, braving the cold every single weekend isn't always appealing.

So, without further ado, here are my TOP 5 TIPS FOR WINNING AT WINTER ('win' and 'winter' do u get it lol).

1. DITCH YOUR BEST FRIEND.

You don't need them when you have a perfectly good bed. Humans are irrelevant when you have a bed with a nice spongy mattress and 435602 blankets. Sorry Sally Smith, my childhood best friend, but consider yourself DITCHED.

2. MAKE YOUR HIBERNATION CAVE

Everyone needs a hibernation cave. Something like this:

However, admittedly, that's more like an early-to-mid-autumn cave rather than the heavy-duty-winter cave that we're after. Aim for something like this but a) make it on top of your bed, b) have 435602 more blankets and c) you'll need infinity more CAT PILLOWS (you can never have enough cat pillows).

3. DISCOVER THE HIDDEN POTENTIAL OF TOASTERS

I'm sick of toasters being under appreciated. You know how TVs have migrated from the lounge room to the kitchen? Well, I think it's time that the good-old-fashioned toaster gets a bit of the limelight and infiltrates other rooms of the house, too. Starting with the bedroom.

The must have accessory of this winter is a TOASTER ON YOUR BEDSIDE TABLE. Who wants to have to 'get up' and 'go to the kitchen' to 'make toast'? No-one.

Congratulations! Your winter is now filled with endless amounts of avocado on toast. Thank me later. (note: you should also have a basket of avocados in your cave at all times)

4. DRESS LIKE YOU'RE IN THE ARMY

Fun fact: everyone becomes 3x more attractive when they're wearing army print. So, for those rare and regretful moments when we're forced to go outside (shudder), you're going to need an army jacket to keep you nice and warm. I've currently got my eye on this one by Jesen, available online at Comeback Kid. 

Army/ camo is easily my favourite trend this winter and GRIMES WEARS ARMY JACKETS AND I'LL DO ANYTHING SHE WANTS ME TO, SO SIGN ME UP.

(Another fun fact: I once slaughtered a baby goat because Grimes told me to. The carcass now sits in the western-most corner of my winter cave for feng shui purposes. It has fermented very nicely.)

Look into my eyes, Dylan. Now put your knife into that baby goat...

5. WHISK UP A WONDERFUL WINTER PLAYLIST

Probably the most essential thing you need to win winter. Personally, I enjoy a balance between mellow vibes and dance-y vibes in my winter playlist, mainly so the rain doesn't get me down-in-the-dumps. See if some of these songs are worthy of entering your playlist:

Beach House- Lazuli
Zoo Kid- Ocean Bed

Purity Ring- Obedear

Baio- Sunburn Modern
Beat Culture- Useless

Dante- Next To You
World's End Press- Second Day Uptown

On that note, I'm returning to my hibernation. Avocado toast and green tea awaits me. Ciao.